Drudging Cycle

4-16-2024

It's a cycle, isn't it? Diet and exercise, lose some weight. Decide I can have this or that. Start gaining and get depressed. Do we start the whole thing again? I've gained and lost the same five pounds now for about two months. I'm weary, I'll tell you that. I feel like I'm eating proper foods and I'm exercising but it's not enough. I've read several articles on what to do when you reach a plateau but I'm not finding them helpful.

Depression isn't something I considered when I started this journey. It is a problem though. Once I get depressed then I don't care about the 'right' foods or not indulging in desserts, alcohol or comfort foods. I also don't want to exercise. I want to sit, do nothing and eat bonbons as it were. That is definitely not healthy.

I realize that it's a mindset change not a diet. It's getting into a whole new lifestyle. It is really hard to break old habits though. I enjoy going out to a fine restaurant to eat. I appreciate that quite a few of them are starting to offer alternative starches instead of the same old rolls and potatoes. I like to have a fine glass of wine or a refreshing cocktail with my meal too. We haven't denied ourselves completely, but we do limit our dining out. We limit because you don't know how the meal is prepared and there are invariably several starches offered, plus that fact that it's simply too much food.

The exercise is hard for me. I enjoy our walk. We go up and down our two streets and that's 2 miles round trip. We try to do that twice per day. That's great exercise. I used to be a dancer though. I used to take or teach four dance classes per day and then either perform or rehearse several hours in between. That's a long ways away from doing nothing. Getting more active is hard to do. I'm not motivated. Then I get caught in a 'catch-22' where I can't do some of the things I enjoy because I'm overweight and I'm overweight because I can't do some of the things I enjoy. I gotta admit that I have a stationary bike and a rowing machine in the basement. I like the rowing machine but I'm not using it. I can barely get the walks in. I work out with weights on MWF. I use handheld weights and do a few reps of different lifts. Once I get depressed though I don't want to do any of it. We also try to practice yoga before going to bed. Stretching really helps the bursitis and sciatica pain. Again, once I get depressed, I don't want to do it.

One thing I have noticed is that I'm not drinking as much water as I was in the beginning. I rewarded myself by allowing zero calorie ginger ale. I think it's ok to reward oneself but now I realize I haven't been drinking any water. At first it was one glass per day. Now it's four glasses per day and no water. It's important to drink just plain water every day. For me, I've noticed that the more soda I drink, the less water I drink. So, one thing I'm going to do it drink more water. I'm starting with four glasses per day before I can have a glass of ginger ale. I hope that makes a difference.

My other problem is cooking for my spouse. He needs more calories than I do and when I don't feed him, he eats junk. He's very supportive but I find it tedious to keep on planning around the diet, trying new recipes, and cooking. That's part of depression, of course. I like to cook. I like to try new recipes. I actually like planning, but I don't like having to do it all the time.

What do you do? Keep at it I guess. That's all I have right now. Keep on keeping on. All the usual tidbits.